Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce Q&A

I am a huge proponent of the benefits of collaborative divorce, but it’s not as well understood as other divorce processes, so I thought I would answer some common questions.

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WHAT IS COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE AND HOW DOES IT WORK?

Read more about the basics of Collaborative Divorce on my website.

WHO MAKES THE DECISIONS?

In a Collaborative Divorce, the parties make their own decisions. They do not rely on a judge, and can structure their own solutions and be more creative in reaching a resolution.

HOW IS IT DIFFERENT FROM MEDIATION?

The main differences are in the use of teams of professionals, the timing, the focus on interests and needs in Collaboration rather than arbitrary guidelines, and the role of the threat of judicial intervention.

Mediation involves a neutral third party who helps the parties try to work out a settlement. In Tennessee, mediation often occurs after there has been extensive work done in discovery (the process of gathering and exchanging information and records). Often, mediation is the last step before trial. Discussions in mediation often include the implicit or explicit threat to “let the Judge decide” or “I'll just take it to court” if the other party will not agree with what one party wants.

In contrast, in Collaborative Law cases -- 

  • The parties work directly with both attorneys, the neutral professionals and each other.

  • Discussions begin immediately

  • The parties themselves decide how and when they will resolve the issues.

  • At the outset, the parties agree not to go to court, which eliminates the threats that occur in mediation.

  • The negotiations are interest-based, rather than positional bargaining.

  • The parties determine their underlying needs and abilities and create custom solutions themselves, rather than relying on a judge to decide.

WHY DO THE ATTORNEYS HAVE TO WITHDRAW IF THE PROCESS FAILS?

It is a fundamental element of the process. That requirement ensures that both parties will sincerely work in good faith to settle the case. The cost and inconvenience of hiring new attorneys is a huge incentive for the parties to stay with the process and reach an agreement. The loss of business from failure is also an incentive for the attorneys and other professionals to work until an agreement is created.

Finding solutions

A father left 17 camels as an asset for his three sons.

When the Father passed away, his sons opened up the will.

The will of the father stated that the eldest son should get half of 17 camels,

The middle son should be given 1/3rd of 17 camels,

Youngest son should be given 1/9th of the 17 camels,

As it is not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the sons started to fight with each other.

So, they decided to go to a wise woman.

The wise woman listened patiently about the will. The wise woman, after giving this thought, brought one camel of her own & added the same to 17. That increased the total to 18 camels.

Now, she started reading the deceased father’s will.

Half of 18 = 9.
So she gave 9 camels to the eldest son.

1/3rd of 18 = 6.
So she gave 6 camels to the middle son.

1/9th of 18 = 2.
So she gave 2 camels to the youngest son.

Now add this up:
9 + 6 + 2 = 17
This leaves 1 camel,which the wise woman took back.

The attitude of negotiation & problem solving is to find the 18th camel; i.e., the common ground. Once a person is able to find the common ground, the issue is resolved.

However, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won’t be able to reach any!